Learning from amaXhosa – Woman Power

Should women and men have the same societal roles? The Xhosa would definitely say no, or at least most of them.

The most enlightening day of my trip was spent with a young woman who acted as my guide into a day in the life of a Xhosa woman. For this blog I’m going to call her Nobomi (meaning “life”). She was a remarkable young woman – unmarried at 25 years old, speaking excellent English learned from tourists, very bright and something of a feminist. The micro-enterprise started by her older sister is called “Woman Power”, and provides one or more people with a hands-on experience of a married woman’s life in the village. (My driver/guide felt I would not be able to go since it was awkward to have a man as the only person signed up, but Nobomi disagreed so I was privileged to learn from her).

The whole four-hour period revolved around the cooking of a meal. Not so hard, you’d think. 

However, I’m not used to a meal involving:

• Walking half a mile over hilly country to collect water in 25 liter tubs that are carried back home on the head. (I was given a much smaller container, that young girls would initial train with – still quite a challenge!)
• Walking a similar distance to collect firewood for cooking, again carried on the head. (This I managed better but I had really sore neck muscles the following day!)
• Lighting the outside wood fire, and the inside paraffin stove.
• Grinding the maize for umngqusho, a staple semolina-like dish.

This is obviously in addition to preparing vegetables, meat (if any), etc. The meal was shared with Nobomi and several members of her family, and though basic was quite enjoyable.

I mentioned that Nobomi is unmarried. She is a beautiful, bright, articulate and strong woman. I asked her why she had never accepted a marriage proposal (she agreed she’d had several) and she said “I will allow no man to tell me that I can’t go out to work”.

A married woman has many restrictions. Her job is to look after her husband’s family – parents, grandparents, younger siblings – and of course her own five children. Yes five. That’s the number she is expected to have, that are implicitly contracted for when lobola (bride-price) is paid by the husband. In Nqileni at least the lobola is ten head of cattle, which at prevailing prices is worth about $7,000 US – a vast amount for a poor community. In effect this represents two cows for each of the children the wife will provide to the husband’s family. Apparently, this is why, despite polygamy being accepted and legal, very few men have more than one wife!

Lobola does have a significant benefit – girls are very valuable to a family, as against cultures in which they are viewed as a liability (e.g. during China’s one-child policy). Also, even if an unmarried woman has a child, she is still eligible to be married, albeit with a lower lobola – she would now only expect to bear four more children, so lobola is set a 8 head of cattle rather than the usual ten.

(The following day, I met the village head man. He asked me how many cows I had paid for my wife, and seemed quite shocked that I hadn’t paid for her at all. Good acting on his part – this is a standard question for visitors I’m sure – but rightly seeing a major cultural difference).

Married women must wear a long skirt (hence my strange attire!) They also will often have traditional face decoration. The woolen cap serves to make it easier to carry things on the head. In community meetings, there is a men’s side and a women’s side. The married women must not cross to the men’s side, even though men and unmarried women can be either side. They are not allowed to go out and earn money at any kind of job, even on a part-time or temporary basis. Their day is fully occupied with household activities, raising children, tending animals, farming any small plot of land, etc. There is no question that they work far harder than most of the men.

Women who suffer abuse at the hands of their husbands don’t usually have the option of divorce, since the lobola would need to be repaid. However, the families and community will typically intervene and insist on behavioral changes (much more effectively than in Western families).

Overall there is great inequality between men and women, and men have far more power than seems appropriate to Western eyes. For this to change, as has been true in the West, major cultural change is necessary. Seeing men and women as equally valuable is difficult for the men (the women probably know it already!) But influences from Xhosa living in urban and suburban settings, who are much closer to Western ideas and culture, may ultimately make the change possible.

Ultimately there will be a few women who stand up and refuse to accept the idea of inferiority. I suspect Nobomi will be one of them and I am proud to know her!